A Year Older

I turned 29 yesterday. To celebrate we went to Medieval Times!!! I was very excited because I had never been before. The food was very tasty, as was the entertainment. I had a really great time, though I wouldn't suggest anyone go at full price. They are having a buy one, get one free deal at the moment, through the end of February, and at 65$ for two people, it is well worth the price.

Conundrum

I hate where I work; childcare facilities in general, as well as specifically where I am now, as it draws stupid lazy people and this is a large source of frustration for me. One reason for this is that I have a strong work ethic, and do not believe in being lazy at my job. I am being paid, therefore they should receive my best every day. If I can not give my best, I stay home. Another is the very simple fact that we are teachers. We are teaching the next generation of children to be productive members of society. It is not the place to be lazy. My conundrum is this; do I find a job elsewhere, in another field, abandoning the children I have been teaching, as well as all the others to this fetid pool of laziness? Or do I try to take the supervisors position away from the useless woman who is barely able to perform in the position at the moment? I have it on good authority that I may well have a chance at the position. On one hand, it would look great on my resume that two schools in a row promoted me to supervisor. On the other, I failed once at this job. Am I really ready to do it again? In a place that is so obviously falling apart, at that. It would be great if I could turn the school around, but I have never been a leader. From kindergarten to 0ac, I was the kick around kid. Now I am timid in the face of confrontation, or at times, far too aggressive. I do not know how to influence people in a positive manner, as any time I have tried I've been met with anger, and even hatred. Again, though, I wonder if that is a byproduct of the profession. Are the stupid, lazy people just angry with me because they are smart enough to know they are stupid and lazy? Do I sound like a complete asshole yet?

My Husband.

I love my husband. Here is one reason why; at 6 am, when he is still mostly asleep, he checks me out as I leave the bed, and I get a most satisfying MMmmm from him. Now THAT is someone who is good for my ego!

Sparkly

I made some changes. I was told that my background was loud, and may be putting people off. It's probably true, but I am also a loud person, which explains why I went to the trouble of putting that image(which I found while randomly clicking images one day) up as a background and changing my blog to match it. That being said, after having pondered it for a while, I have come to the realization that I may have commited one of those newbie blunders(which is sad as I've had this blog for five years). I may have well as added a bunch of these, and maybe a header with some of this foolishness. I apologize to any eyes I may have offended, and I hope my more sedate look doesn't give you seizures. :D

Thank you, that is all.

Lonely Ego

My ego is lonely. This is what my sitemeter tells me. I wonder.... do I really get NO traffic, or have I done this site metering thing wrong? Also, if I get no traffic.... does that really bother me? I'll get back to you.

Grym-atron

My cat snores. Currently he is sitting on his daddy's chair, snoring his little brains out, making his mummy very, very jealous. How I wish to be snoring at this moment.

2009, first!

So, my first post of 2009. I applied for my marriage certificate yesterday, but I am worried that it will not arrive in time to renew my drivers license and OHIP card.... I was really hoping to not have to pay extra one month after renewing both, just to have my name changed. I suppose it's not a big deal, but it is a lot of time, time which could be spent with my munkey! In other news, the supervisor at my work has come back from Mat-leave. I was really hoping that she would be a great leader, and that things would stop falling apart upon her return. It seems I was mistaken. She has begun harrassing my friend, L, with nonsense and chaff, even writing her up for an infraction another staff gets away with almost daily. They want to get rid of L(for calling the labour board on them), so it seems like New Sup. is going to be the bully for the owner, who spends her days at the school smoking with staff, gossiping, and making my life hard(her 2 year old son is in my class) When will it be that I will have a real job, with a real boss, and real tasks that are not undermined daily. Le. Sigh.

The only true beauty

I saw a photo today that made me dream of living where I could see a storm coming like that. I can see them here, but only a small edge of the oncoming storm clouds. The crux of this dream, which fits very nicely with the rest of my dream home by the way, is that to see this kind of action, I'd have to live on the Pacific coast, the top of a mountain, or the prairies. Since I do not really want to be 3000 miles away from all of my family, the Pacific coast is out. As well as mountians and prairies I suppose. I wonder how I will find a way to see the beauty that nature provides. I must find a way. When in the woods by my home I am, well more home than when I am in my own home. It doesn't matter what season it is, I love the smell of outside. I like how everything smells crisp. You have to wait for rain(or snow) in and around the city for that smell, but up north, no matter what time of year it is, every thing smells so sharply. I miss spending time outside, and I hope to do it more. This rambling was brought to you by an urge to share a photo, and then a lack of self control. Thank you and good night.

Blegh

I am so damned tired of being sick. It's like I am always sick. Arg!

Ghost in the Tank

This morning I was up at 4.30, which is the norm, for about half an hour. Due to the box-like nature of my home, it is very rude of me to bring daylight to the fish tank, earlier than necessary, so I simply sat in the dark, thinking about things. I barely notice the small red light inside the tank that indicates that the heater is on, but today it showed me something very interesting. We have two glass catfish in our tank and they hide all day long. You can catch glimpses of them, but they are never out in plain sight. Last night,in the glow of the red heater light, there were my ghost fish. The two of them were swimming together at the top left corner of the tank, all happy and free in the darkness. After noticing them, I started watching the tank, and then I started noticing our plecos sticking to the walls of the tank. As I watched for the half hour, I realized, our tank is a ghost tank. There are two day time fish, but one hides all day. It is almost an entirely nocturnal tank, which makes it seem boring in the day, but eerily peaceful at night. Watching my Ghost tank was quite calming and I got back to bed very quickly, some nights I don't make it back at all. One day I hope to have a good enough camera to take photos in the dark, and will be able to capture and share the serenity my ghost tank affords me.

Staff Meeting Fun

Christmas concert is in 7 days. Since we have toddlers, Amy and I will be doing most of the singing. Also, the nice golf shirt that I got for Christmas from work may be a uniform in the near future!!! YAY!!! I love uniforms. The great equalizer<3

LOOK WHAT I MADE!!!!

BREAD! It was so easy, I never knew!!! Next attempt will be an Italian Loaf!!!!

Message to L.

It's been a while. I have a friend now, one who I see every day, and with whom I have begun sharing my complaints. I believe that is why I do not write them here anymore. The catharsis of writing was merely my way of working things out, when there was no one around to listen. I started messaging her today, and realized that maybe I should blog it instead; the poor woman must be sick of listening to me complain. I have this problem. It's about work. It started as a problem with my co-worker, and has snowballed in to the realization that when working in an all female environment, there will always be someone there who will take a dislike to me, and cause me no end of torment because of the female tendency to be passive-aggressive. I am also guilty of this flaw, and did something today to prove that, but that is beside the point. I need to work in a co-ed/male dominated field because, simply put, I was raised as a boy. My father did not want to raise the typical woman, being that he is somewhat of a feminist. I know how to change the oil in my car, as well as the brakes, lights, tires and battery. I can build things with my hands, wood and tools. I know the fine art of staining wood, lathing, and what a countersink is. I am not your typical female, and thus, am never going to be comfortable nor successful in an all female environment. The message I wrote to L. is as follows:

no, I not ok. I cried when I came home. I am so tired of being the bad guy. I'm the bad guy with my kids all the time because she keeps undermining me and the decisions I make, she keeps doing little tiny things that make me angry, but look like nothing to other people, I am vocal enough for people to know how I feel, but still respectful enough that I won't just plain call her out on it. I fight depression myself, she doesn't have the corner on that one, and all this stress is only making it worse for me. I am at a point now that I'm going to the DR for meds because I can't control the ups/downs anymore given all the BS I have to put up with at work. I have 8 more days in that classroom and I still feel like I'm drowning every day. I feel worse and worse every day. It's not completely her anymore, but the fact that no matter where I've worked I have ALWAYS had someone like her in my class/school who takes a dislike to me/my ways and then just pokes me and pokes me and pokes me until I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of people who don't respect me. I'm sick of people who assume things about me and then cause me shit because of what they decided. I'm more and more angry because I can't find a way out, because after ten years in the working world, all my experience is childcare, and nobody wants to hire me for anything else. I can't leave my work at work anymore, just as she can't seem to leave home at home.


I believe that there is nothing that I can do. I must somehow learn to accept what is. I can not change what is, so therefore I must learn to live with/around it. All I can do is count down the days, and use each smaller digit as an ever growing life raft floating my away from this sea of hatred and passive-aggressive maneuvering.

That is all.

T-Minus 7 days

I woke up this morning at about 6.30 am. I wake up every morning at about 6.30, unless I am on the early shift(which thankfully I will not be on again for a long while) in which case I wake up at 6. Usually, if I don't have to be up, I can go back to sleep. Not in the past week. The excitement of my upcoming nuptials is beginning to take effect. So here I am, blogging at 7.30 am, when I am going out for a night of debauchery with my co-workers(and one sister) tonight, and thinking, it's a damned good thing I moved my hair appointment to the afternoon rather than the morning, allowing for some nap-time! YAY!!!!!

Stress-me-not

So I had a little freak out. There was still a lot to do, and very little time. Eventually I calmed down (after wreaking MUCH havoc) and now that we are a little closer, I have found that each little thing that gets ticked off is like a huge weight off my shoulders. Seven days people!

In My Brain

I know that I complain a lot about the building I live in as well as my particular geographic location. Recently there was a notice posted with regards to a recent act of public urination, informing the wonderful tenants who live here that it was both disrespectful AND illegal to pee in front of someones door. This is not my complain tonight. It has nothing to do with my neighbours. It really has nothing to do with the building itself. My problem tonight is this: Sirens. I hear sirens all the time. I can hear them right now. This is a photo from my balcony, the arrows point to where I can actually see the highway[when there are no leaves on the trees, and especially now since they cut down the fir tree in the foreground there :( ].



If it wasn't bad enough to be a stones throw away from the highway, the main road to and from the hospital is right behind my building. If it isn't emergency vehicles on the highway(which probably makes up about 40%) it's emergency vehicles on the main street behind me. A lot of ambulances, but also fire trucks. Let us not forget the times that they come screaming down our street with their wretched noise pollution, since there are a great many elderly people in the condos you see in the photo. Oh and did I mention that the cop shop is also in the block on the other side of the main road from me? It's like I live in the Hub'O'Siren. I cannot WAIT to be free of this cement block cell I currently call home. Enough is enough, people were NOT meant to live this way!

Palin/Biden Debate

What a train wreck that Sarah Palin is! How many times can someone say Maverick, and Newkewlar? How does someone like this even get to be Mayor or Governor?!?!? I fear for the future of the planet, should the backward "win" again. FEAR!

McCain - neither deep, nor delicious

An interesting theory has recently been brought to my attention. I believe that it is a widely accepted fact among the intelligent and well informed that the Republican party are akin to a den of vipers, constantly plotting their evil ways of ruining the world. This Sarah Palin nomination seems to be the newest in a long string of what are very clever, extremely devious moves on the part of the elephant in the room. After suspending his campaign, there is no way that I can believe that McCain is a real candidate anymore. I think they are leaving the door open for the Dem's, so that THEY are responsible for the hardship the US(and the world economy) will have to endure following the raping the Rep's have commited upon the American people. Then in four years, the Republicans can swoop in and save the day from those Evil Democrats! YIKES!

Psst, Fall is coming

Today was one of those days where it is just cool enough to remind you that fall is around the corner. I love days like this, when you can't decided on a sweater or a heavy shirt. Runners or Crocs? You go for a walk and when you come back you are energized, but your skin is slightly chilly. Too bad I witness today's beauty from my bed. Stupid flu. GO AWAY!!!!!

LHC First Beam : 4.28pm EDT

Please Note: The world has not ended.


That is all.