Thursday, October 02, 2003: Weird

Top it off, more to bleed, wreck a life, smoke a weed, ripped unknown, tear apart, less forgotten, more to start. we end our days, with drink and drugs, we live our life, covered with bugs, and less we know, more we turn, drying out, left unlearned, and soon it ends, a rotting waste, live unknown, death makes haste.


Someone inspires to write something new, but my head only comes up with lyrical tune. I miss a time when this came easy, when I didn't have to force words out of my head, just to be "cool" it makes me sad to think of all the time spent wasted on I love yous and I hate yous. I want to shove something in, hard, and never remove it, keep it buried and hide it from all the world. This thing inside me that goes against who I want to be, who I say I am. Cause I'm really nothin, nothing special, nothing real, just nothing. A plain jane with no offer, no hope, no love. I am an empty shell of who i was. Why do I wish to be permanently in a place where I feel nothing but turmoil. Why do I wish I were 16 again. So that my emotions are wrought with grief, my head is pounding and my brain not yet fully formed? Is it easier to be unfinished? So long ago I prayed for something. It happened. Now I wish I'd had the foresight to realize that it was better before. When I was little, and irresponsible and taken care of. Ahh the days