The Grief Cycle

I have been reduced to tears. As a proponent of Karma I wonder, what have I done that has brought this down on me. I sit here with a box of tissues, sobbing uncontrollably, and barely able to type: Yet I push onward, as getting it out is the only way to get rid of it. I have gone through the cycle of grief in the past 7 months. First there was denial. She didn't mean to fire me, she was just angry and she will call me back in tomorrow. Then I was angry. I was absolutely livid that after having worked so hard, and wasted so much of my life, I can be tossed aside as though I were nothing. Next came bargaining; in my pre-sleep wanderings I mulled many possibilities of getting my job back, and what I should do it ensure it. I have now reached depression, and I long for acceptance, since this is possibly the worst part. It has just been compounded by the fact that my former supervisor, whom I called friend once, just blamed me for her lack of response to my emails, and told me in no uncertain terms that she would only give me a phone reference which does me absolutely no good because the last time she did that she screwed me out of a job. So I ask, what is it that I have done in my life to deserve this. I was a good, loyal employee for four years until I was abruptly, and against my will, terminated. What recourse does someone have when they have given away their time, life, and labour to a scum bag who uses people and spits them out. I am driving myself deeper every day, with two bits of knowledge. 1) R's advice was that of someone living vicariously. Everything she told me I should do(this is my mentor and teacher when it comes to being a supervisor) were things that she would SAY she'd do, but then never actually go through with. Were I less naive I would have seen that and not taken her advice. 2) Josh, my mother, my brother, they all told me the same thing, over and over and over: GET OUT! I replied "they are going to make me supervisor" over and over and over. I wasted all that time, because, yeah, I was supervisor, but now I have to tell people in interviews why I moved from supervisor to back down to lead teacher. The only bright side is that at least by telling prospective employers the truth, I won't be hired by any rule-bending a-wads that don't want a stickler in their midst. There is the slim possibility that there is someone out there that is decent and hard working and honest, who would love to have me in their employ. Whom I would love to work for. Where's my rainbow? Forget the end man, I'd just like to catch a glimpse of it. Sadly, this was not as cathartic as I'd hoped, so I shall dull the pain in other ways. Thank you Ego, you are always a good shoulder to cry on.