Lost Things

It's not that easy to find people on FB. I have been looking. I have a small obession with someone who left my life a very very long time ago (about 29 years, thats right after I was concieved if you were wondering) and have been looking lately, more out of an obcene need to be let down than anything, knowing what I know about said person. Alas, with a surname like Douglas, it is nearly impossible, and I am getting frustrated. I get on this kick once every ten years or so. I start wondering what parts of me are there that I don't understand simply because I have never met the person who gave them to me. What parts of me are truely unique and not just shadows of my dna providers. Who am I really? I would be one of those parents who wouldn't be telling my kid they were adopted until they were old enough to process just what that meant. I knew too young that my father didn't want me, and I believe that a lot of my personal issues stem from a general feeling of unwantedness. Would I have been more of a risk taker, if I hadn't been hurt so early in life? Would I be less shy? Would I be less giving? Would I be less of a door mat, just so that you will like me, please god like me, WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LIKE ME?!?!?!?! Seriously, where is the free counselling baby, I'm in NEED!

Awesome-less

The awesome-ness of other people blogs/writing style makes me jealous. I wish I didn't suck so badly.

If you're bored, then you're boring

It makes me giggle when my cat cleans his underside. Mostly he rolls back on his bum and does some freaky yoga move, with his legs stretched out in front of him, sometimes hovering over the couch. This, as stated, tickles me.

Loose what? Lost is what!

(Ed. don't know how, but this got lost. Here it is, for your reading pleasure, only about two weeks later!)

Ends, my dears. I am at loose ends. Change can't happen fast enough. I knew that the process of job hunting, in today economic climate, would be a long, arduous journey of the most depressing nature. I just didn't realize it would hit so quickly. I have no qualifications. I am a teacher of preschoolers. I have been for my entire adult life. I am no longer interested in the field, in fact, I am quite bothered by it, which causes no end of stress though out my day. Unfortunately, due to my loyalty to the field, I am not qualified to do anything else. The next job I get will be a fluke, a serious stroke of luck, or an incredibly astute person who can see that I will be good at what I do, no matter what that is. It's going to take some time, time which I don't want to have to waste in the hell hole I am in. Le Sigh.

In other news, tomorrow is my labour board hearing against my former boss. I am hoping to come home with a cheque, or the promise of one, and then I can put this behind me. I've been really stressed this week about seeing her again, but hopefully this will be a civil and quick meeting, with results in my favour! (Bad results, she screwed me by using the law in her favour. Fortunately, it looks like she will get audited, which is much MUCH worse for her than the measly sum she owed me!)

Squawking.

Marley squawks. She is doing it right now. Josh has the late shift this month, so he isn't getting up at the same time as me(which hasn't happenend in a long long time) and Marley is disturbed. She doesn't like her Mummy. She wants her Daddy to get up. Up yours Marley.

In other news, my boss found out that I want to get a new job, and has been doing everything she can to get me to stay. I may be changing positions to a French floater, which means that I get to go to all the classrooms and teach French. That would be nice I suppose. Still waiting for the Girl Guides to call. Man, I really want that job!!!!