Lost Things

It's not that easy to find people on FB. I have been looking. I have a small obession with someone who left my life a very very long time ago (about 29 years, thats right after I was concieved if you were wondering) and have been looking lately, more out of an obcene need to be let down than anything, knowing what I know about said person. Alas, with a surname like Douglas, it is nearly impossible, and I am getting frustrated. I get on this kick once every ten years or so. I start wondering what parts of me are there that I don't understand simply because I have never met the person who gave them to me. What parts of me are truely unique and not just shadows of my dna providers. Who am I really? I would be one of those parents who wouldn't be telling my kid they were adopted until they were old enough to process just what that meant. I knew too young that my father didn't want me, and I believe that a lot of my personal issues stem from a general feeling of unwantedness. Would I have been more of a risk taker, if I hadn't been hurt so early in life? Would I be less shy? Would I be less giving? Would I be less of a door mat, just so that you will like me, please god like me, WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LIKE ME?!?!?!?! Seriously, where is the free counselling baby, I'm in NEED!