Monday, April 28, 2003 : Later

So long ago I remember a time when people payed attention. When I wasn't one of the blurred backdrop. now I look back and I remember that it's always been this way. Bust your ass and people kick it harder. It's all about you, and never about me. doesn't matter who it is. I wish one day something could be about me. Is that selfish. to want back what i give out. to need people. to be alone, and hate it daily. A strong front is always affected, but never really achieved. You've seen my insides, and you pissed in them. You make me want to cry. When will i have someone who wants nothing from me but my presence. A life never known haunts me and the world collapses. and I'm hurt. So frightfully unimportant. Who would miss me. Famliy yes..... but anyone else? no. I'm all alone in a world so big It scares me and Even with love I'm still not ready. not ready to be the right person. not ready to be what you want. not ready to be accepted. That bullshit. I'm never going to be becasue I'm to fucking different. Must be nice to have people that love you. I wouldn't know. And I cry. For the lost ones that never were and the found ones that will never be. So i cry. And you'll never know. Cause your all so wrapped up in your tiny little problems that can never be seen. not really. Who knows me? Who knows what I'm really like.
I will die and the world will forget. Cause you left so long ago and there is no one to tell them who I am, and I'll never recover from that. Cause I'm always left behind. Why didn't you take me with you. Cause now I cry. And I miss you. More than even I can imagine. My wings are folded away till the day when I can spread them, work out the cramps and fly away, like the girl in the video. I will. one day. And then they'll know how lucky they were. to have known me. But until then i cry. And cry. And cry tears that will never stop because you will never come back, and I will always be alone. I'm so full of words that pour out of me and it hurts my soul to think that no one will ever realize why i care. So thats me. wounded soul, folded wings and waiting for the day when I can be set free from all this pain, and then we'll be together and my life will have been worth it.